It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
