I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
