dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
