I smell stomach acid.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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