I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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