with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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