Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
