I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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