he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
