this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize