he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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