you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
