Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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