You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just puked most of my soul out..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
