I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
