he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
