Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
