question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
