You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
