Michael Bay diarrhea
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
