I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
