apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
