How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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