I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
