i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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