Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's just like the Real World with babies
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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