How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
