You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
