And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
