so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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