i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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