I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
