What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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