In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i out mim tonsoeep
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