You just made me feel so damn special
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
