Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
