We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
