They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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