I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
