I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
