Your mouth is God's brothel.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
