My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
