You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
