I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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