You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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