Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
