we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wear drunk well.
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