Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
