We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i came on her dog
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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