you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
