The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
false alarm, still single
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
