Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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