I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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