I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
