Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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