Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
