I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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