Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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