I smell stomach acid.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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