Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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