great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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