Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
