yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
