the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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