I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i came on her dog
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
