So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
