I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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