i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize