as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
