never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
