Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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