omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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