She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this just has baby written all over it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
