you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
