Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
But theres a keg here and me gusta
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize