I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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