Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize