I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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