I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
