Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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