Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
BRING THE BAGELS
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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