My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
