Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
