I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
