this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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