I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
