Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
