It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
