Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
