Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
