we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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