No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
