yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
