Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
