oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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