I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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