Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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